Steepholm's Dream Diary: 7

Today's dream takes me to a Florida hotel, where the guests (including me) are occasionally pestered by the alligators who wander picturesquely round the grounds and lobby. These are rather alarming at first, but I am soon advised of the best way to deal with them - a tip I pass it on here for the public benefit. What you have to do is lean forward, squinting into the middle distance, and perhaps shading your eyes with one hand. The alligator will see this and, its reptilian curiosity aroused, will wander off to discover what it is that you find so interesting. I tried it. It works.

I am also forced to play an interactive children's game, in which various cartoony characters take it in turn to make a lot of noise, the aim of the game being to quieten them. Some of them will only pipe down when cajoled, others need to be shouted at or threatened, and if you get it wrong they make more noise than ever. It's bound to be a Christmas favourite with parents.

Steepholm's Dream Diary: 7

Today's dream takes me to a Florida hotel, where the guests (including me) are occasionally pestered by the alligators who wander picturesquely round the grounds and lobby. These are rather alarming at first, but I am soon advised of the best way to deal with them - a tip I pass it on here for the public benefit. What you have to do is lean forward, squinting into the middle distance, and perhaps shading your eyes with one hand. The alligator will see this and, its reptilian curiosity aroused, will wander off to discover what it is that you find so interesting. I tried it. It works.

I am also forced to play an interactive children's game, in which various cartoony characters take it in turn to make a lot of noise, the aim of the game being to quieten them. Some of them will only pipe down when cajoled, others need to be shouted at or threatened, and if you get it wrong they make more noise than ever. It's bound to be a Christmas favourite with parents.

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza

The BBC still can't get Ms Chimbalanga's pronouns or sexual orientation right, but for now the main thing is that she and her fiance are to be released!

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza

The BBC still can't get Ms Chimbalanga's pronouns or sexual orientation right, but for now the main thing is that she and her fiance are to be released!