Wayne LaPierre Exclusive!
Dec. 22nd, 2012 09:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
steepholmWayne LaPierre's statement on behalf of the NRA has drawn a lot of comment, but I've gained exclusive access to a revealing passage that was dropped from the final version due to lack of space:
It’s been pointed out that most deaths by firearms are not the result of random strangers killing in public spaces. More commonly the killer is a husband, wife or partner, and the home is the scene of the crime. Well, I want you to know that the NRA is listening. We hear you. Naturally, we recommend that under most circumstances people who are married keep a gun on them at all times when in their own homes. The trouble comes when couples get intimate. That’s when they tend to forget about the possibility of being murdered by their loved one. What do couples do before they leap into the sack? They get naked. In other words, they disarm.
That’s the real outrage. All over this country, millions of couples are having unprotected sex, without so much as a derringer velcroed to the bedpost, and the result is thousands of tragic deaths each year. We in the NRA are not prepared to stand by and let this happen. I pledge today that we will fund a program of volunteers, ready to provide security whenever and wherever American citizens are making sweet, sweet love. With just one call to a toll-free number you can be making whoopee sure in the knowledge that an NRA marksman is stationed just across the street, his rifle sights trained on your writhing bodies, ready pull the trigger at the first sign of funny business. We see this as our neighborly duty.
We trust this will give you the peace of mind you seek, and the confidence to get on with that most precious of God-given tasks – the creation of innocent little children.
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Date: 2012-12-22 11:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-12-22 11:02 am (UTC)A case recently of an American football player who went crackers and killed his girlfriend in their home before driving to his team's facility and killing himself in front of his coach. First it was suggested that the girlfriend could have saved herself if only she'd had a gun. Then it turned out that she had several, and was trained in using them. So then the criticism became that she didn't have one on her person and ready for use at all times. Including at home. In front of her boyfriend. Just in case he went crackers.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 11:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 11:29 am (UTC)An armed police officer in every school in the land.........
A clue, they needz one! :oS
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Date: 2012-12-22 12:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 01:43 pm (UTC)I read about 2 paragraphs of this before I realised it was satirical.
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Date: 2012-12-22 01:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 12:14 pm (UTC)However, the same effect could be achieved by removing all metal detectors, bullet proof glass and so on from government buildings. Make it easier to assassinate any politician you don't like, and then the point at which your children are better defended than your elected representatives becomes much lower.
On a more serious note, it was widely reported when George W Bush was invited to stay at the palace that some of his security people had very helpfully suggested ways in which Buckingham Palace could be made bomb-proof for the occasion. I have always understood that the Queen, like her parents before her, took a certain pride in the fact that it wasn't bomb-proof, and I for one share that pride.
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Date: 2012-12-22 12:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 01:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-22 11:37 pm (UTC)I've heard that rugby players aim for the shoulder when they tackle, gridiron players aim more for the head. This right there would show why the injury results are so different, and why one game requires more protection.
(Now, whether or not it makes a damn lick of sense to tackle that way is another question.)
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Date: 2012-12-22 08:16 pm (UTC)...huh??? this is so, so bizarre.
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